February 24, 2026

These schools days have been okay. I like them. I've been hoping to get sick for the last three months, and now suddenly I don't want to.

I'm not too sure why, but I think I just like talking to N. We both got up at 4:30 this morning coincidentally. We also both just stared at the ceiling for like two hours. For whatever reason she was staring at me, and said "See how it feels" which I found really funny. We then proceeded to have a staring contest, and I lost.

The next block was pretty good too. The guidance counselor was in our room talking about AP Exams, and a kid who sat in front of us turned and said to N, "I think your mom is here." Which was hilarious. I laughed at that. She made a witty comment and we went along the block chatting and laughing per usual. I really do like that class. I recently noticed that she talks to me with more eye contact now. I've seen her do those things with her other friends, and she didn't necessarily do it to me at first. I mean, I'm not sure if it's something she's just started doing in general, or if I'm noticing it more now. But she's more chatty and such, and I like when she's chatty.

I remember making like a compliment comment to her too today. Well first she said something about her being perfect, as a joke of course. And she cringed so hard at herself, and it was funny. But I commented how she was, sorta in a teasing but not really way. I do genuinely think she's a great person. She said shut up to me, and it was a little funny. I couldn't tell if she was embarrassed or endeared, or maybe both. She had this giant smile on her face. I do really like her smile. Somewhere along the line in that class too I think I mumble something and she goes, "Sh." And I say, "Okay" in response. She giggles and goes, no don't let me do that to you. And she told me to stick up for myself. I found it really funny.

I usually walk with her to class after my second block, and I do enjoy walking with her. She made a comment about it last week too I think. She asked what class I had my WIN in, and I told her who it was. That class is like right across the hall from my second block, and her class is like across the building. Sage goes, "Ew. Why do you walk with me?" To which I reply, because I like walking with you. And I do, it's great. Today she made a comment about her mom, like you'd think she hates her mom. But she said it so quietly, and I was like, "WHAT." and we both just laughed so hard at it. And N goes, I love my mother I swear. It was funny.

Yesterday she was all teary eyed during second block, which was caused by the lights on our laptop screens. I still feel really bad for her, since she's still pretty concussed. She was crying and stuff, and I kinda knew that she's not the type to like to be coddled, so I didn't really try to comfort her. I'm really bad when it comes to comforting people, and I hate how useless I feel. But I hope that maybe she was okay. I mean, she was okay after that. She didn't even know why she was bawling, she just sorta was. And I didn't think any less of her either, I just care about that girl. After that whole thing, we still chatted and such. Laughed and stuff, y'know.

During our little free time at the end of school I was in the library with my sophomore friends. I heard a laugh and talking from another room, and I turn to one of my friends and asked who was in there. I swore I knew that voice. Sure enough, it's N. She stood up and we made eye contact through the door glass and she screamed and jumps back. I start laughing, and I see her again peering at the wall. The next time she peers to look at me, she's on the floor, practically crawling, and looking at me. It was funny. I love that girl.

I texted her later and she said that's how she reacts to ants. And she said, "Literally you: 🐜", which I found funny. Since she's like, 5'7 and I'm 4'11 barely. She did say she loves ants, which is pretty cool.

Honestly, I'd like to sit with her at lunch, but I always feel so lame. Like, everytime I talk to her I feel like some pick me or some loser. I think she's so cool and I feel so inferior compared to her. I really don't think she'd care too much if I sat with her, but I get so conscious. I always want to ask, but I hate asking. And I mean she did invite me over last week but I swear it was just for the day. I dunno, I get nervous thinking about asking her. I feel like I'm intruding. I really hate myself for feeling so weird sometimes, but it's like not in my control. Well, maybe. I dunno. I just think she's really cool.

-R.

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