February 9, 2026

I somehow passed precalculas with a C-

I mean, I guess I'm fine with that. I wasn't there the entire half of the semester, since I had transferred in the middle of the class. Still, I guess I'm a little upset that my GPA took a hit. It was definately my fault, for my lack of studying and stuff. But I'm also not used to studying at all. Before I moved, I was the top of my grade. Like, I mean Rank 1 in my class, in line for valedictorian. When I moved, suddenly all the pressure was off, and I just didn't care or something I don't know. I mean, I understand what happens in class, but I just fail all the tests. I originally had a D- in that class, but a final project saved my grade. All the of the tests I took were just failing grades, which is a little impressive hoenstly. I guess it doesn't help that the only classwork for that class is quizzes and tests.

Now I'm in Calc 1, this school does everything in block schedules and the year is broken down into 4 terms. So basically, a class that would typically last one year would only be a semester here. Anyways, my (half) "semester" was Precalc, and now it's Calculas. I don't even know if I made the requirement, techically, since you needed to pass precalc with a C or higher.

Anyways, I can't fail this class. If I do, I'd have to reimburse the school since they paid for the course. Calc 1 is a college course, so it's rough. I think I can at least get a D-, but my GPA is going to absolutely tank. It's not really at a bad point right now, but I feel really weird if it drops. I know what I have to do to maintain it, but I actually feel so stupid in that class.

I've never had to study before, or work very hard. I was Rank 1 without effort, and now I'm ranked 17 out of 89. I guess it's not bad, but I feel like something in me died. I've always been told I was very bright and smart. Or that I would contribute to the world and I have a good head on my shoulders. Maybe it's true, I don't know. I've always been smart without much effort, and now it feels like I am not. I'm fine in my other classes, in fact I do great in them. Maybe it's just Calculas, or maybe I really am getting more stupid. I don't know.

I feel like I would put in the work and still not understand. I could study, and I would still fail. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe if I really worked my ass off I can do it. But something in me tells me I'm not enough either. It tells me that I don't belong in that class, and I will never pass. I will never be worth anything and my GPA will fall. I really just need to try more or something. Do something. I don't know.

I'm a horrible student. I've always been. I'm lazy and unmotivated. Somehow I was at the top, and now I'm chasing that feeling. But I can't make it. I was smart before, maybe I'm smart now. Or maybe it's best to just aim for a D-.

-R.

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